Originally posted on October 23, 2012.
Yes, this is a counter article to that other article. If you haven’t read it, here’s the link: Thought on Dating a Carless Guy.
My first boyfriend didn’t have a car when we first started dating. I was fourteen, and he was sixteen. Eventually though, when he hit 18, his parents gave him one (a Tamaraw FX—huwaw…) and we happily drove around in it, until I realized I couldn’t take his mess and that he was driving around with other girls in that same FX for about 2 years before I finally broke up with him… Plus, the fact that everyone kept mistaking it for a PUV and kept trying to open the door whenever we happen to stop near a curb.
Sure, for a high school girl, dating a guy with a car, especially an older guy with a car, could probably be the coolest thing that can ever happen to you. But when it really boils down to what really matters, and you hit your twenties, what he’s driving or if he’s even driving anything at all won’t actually protect you from dark elements that wander around at 3am, coz girl, if they’re gonna get you, they will get you.
I have been dating a carless guy for nine years. Yep, you read right, NINE YEARS. Since university, until now that we both have our own careers, he hasn’t bought a car for himself. We have been using my old dilapidated pick-up for about just as long. There were even times when we didn’t have a car, during coding days, or my brother would borrow my truck for something, and we both would take the jeepney, the cab, the bus, the FX, the tricycle or the pedicab… whatever we needed to get to where we were going. During those times, I remember that he would always apologize to me, saying he wishes that he had a car to take me around, and that I wouldn’t have to queue for a taxi or something. I would always be incredulous at why he would apologize: there were thousands, millions of people who take public transportation everyday in Manila — he didn’t have to feel ashamed of it. I wasn’t.
So why did I stick around with a carless guy for nine years? We never fought about our transport situation. It was just never an issue. He used to “bring me home” all the way to Cainta, and then take the bus to Caloocan, at whatever odd hour, just to spend more time with me — he used to say that he wanted to make sure I was safe, but there was really no need to worry because I had been driving since I was 12 — thanks to my super supportive dad.
But that’s not the only reason. My carless boyfriend, besides being pretty good-looking, always smells good (even after commuting and riding the bus or the jeep, or a long sweaty walk), and is now probably one of the best practicing young corporate lawyers in Manila (and I’m being modest here), also actually takes care of me, keeps me safe and loves me like crazy. So crazy in fact, that when he did actually have enough to buy a decent ride, he instead decided that he’ll put the money in for a down-payment for a condo under my name, bought me signature bags “just because” (I never even thought of buying one for myself), and invested in a business so he can be sure that we’d always have a little extra to spend and also take care of his parents… and mine. Now that’s a MAN, carless or not.
Any girl who claims to be an independent woman can get around just fine, with or without a car, with or without a man. And any independent woman worth her chops should know how to defend herself anyway if she plans to be out partying in a mini-skirt and high heels, whether someone is driving for her or not. Yes, admittedly, it would be so much simpler to be out with a guy who has a car and who can drive for you. It will be comfortable, and it would represent security — but you can be comfortable and not be head-over-heels in-love with him either.
I know a girl who had a boyfriend who had several rides. He even financed a car for her. But he was also not making her happy, even with all the expensive gifts and trips and such… she was miserable. One time, we were riding in her car along EDSA, and we saw people getting into and off the buses. There was one particularly spritely couple who was in the queue, hands inter-locked, looking at each other, laughing and just having a darned good-time amidst the smog. She said then: “Look at them. They’re so happy. Why can’t I have that?” Thankfully, she’s already figured she deserved to have exactly that and left his sorry a*#.
So, yeah, I’m dating a carless guy — a man who thinks the world of me, wouldn’t let any harm come to me, AND is letting me pick the color of the SUV he’s buying (and he’s getting an SUV because he knows I love big rides… hee hee)… I’m thinking deep purple, or maybe I’ll let him have his gun-metal gray… what do you think?
(pics from google)