by Dyanah da Dyologs
Warning: for eyes of females only.
1. You won’t have to “Whisper” or be “Modest” for 9 months.
2. You’ll finally see your belly button up close. Maybe even get to spring-clean it too.
3. Your bra size will upgrade from AAA to A.
4. Pregnancy can make you philosophical (in Filipino, “Pilosopo”). Google will be your best friend because you will search for answers to questions like:
- “How come ultrasounds are allowed, but X-rays aren’t?”
- “If I bend forward to tie my shoelaces, will I squish the baby?”
- “If I push too hard while pooping, will the baby come out too?”
- “Are there also Cups A, B, C and D classifications for breast pumps?”
- “Am I allowed to play music in the delivery room?”
5. You’ll learn about different dishes, and the food that you’re not supposed to eat. Some of which you don’t really eat anyway, like “Foei Gras” (masabi lang). I’m glad I only had to type that and not pronounce it.
6. You will experience “SPEEZE” for the first time. It’s when you sneeze and accidentally pee at the same time (Speeze be with you.).
That’s just one of the many strange changes. You will suddenly love your stomach too. You will start to caress it, massage it, and talk to it. I bet you’ve never done that before — unless during a deadly case of diarrhea?
7. Creativity will naturally flow, especially when you’re choosing names for your baby.
Kaso kapag “Cotton”, baka sa probinsya, “Bulak” na ang tawag sa kanya! Parang aso lang.
Creative Halloween costumes will also be a lot easier to conceptualize. Your preggy tummy will be very handy.
My other idea was to dress up as “Preg-Nancy Binay”. But I opted not to be political.
8. Not all preggers have to go through morning sickness like how it’s depicted in Filipino films:
- Yung dalaga na biglang tatakbo papuntang banyo o kusina
- Tapos susuka ng parang laway lang
- Tapos bubuksan ang gripo, huhugasan ang bibig
- Tapos susugurin siya ng nanay niya, sasampalin at tatanungin ng, “Buntis ka ba?”
- Tapos iiyak nalang ang dalaga
- Siyempre nakaka-iyak nga naman, sinampal muna siya bago pa siya nakasagot ‘di ba?
But morning sickness may not be so bad at all, recent studies show that women who go through morning sickness are less likely to miscarry. So puke away (yes, I said “puke” in English, please don’t pronounce it in Tagalog)!
9. You will have instant connections with other preggies:
You will feel so loved, like there’s a support group that was established exclusively for you (members: OB-GYN, friends, family, and strangers who unexpectedly touch and kiss your tummy). This is particularly important to keep you sane and healthy. Best tip I got is from my hubby, “Don’t use being pregnant as an excuse to eat a lot.” Oo nga naman, hindi porket alam mong tataba ka, lalamon ka nalang basta. Don’t take “eating for two” too literally.
Because of my support group, pregnancy was not such a pain in the ass and all other body parts.
Backstory about my pregnancy:
In 2007, a lab result mistakenly classified be as MALE.
So imagine how pressured I was to prove otherwise!
Months before getting married, I already took Folic Acid supplements, ate good nutrition, and exercised almost daily.
Exercising did not stop when I got pregnant. I was stretching even until the home stretch.
BEFORE: October 2013 at 118lbs. (I had my “high school” weight again)
AFTER: September 2014 at 151lbs. (32 weeks pregnant)
However, no amount of preparation can truly prime you for pregnancy. Each pregnant individual’s experience is unique. In fact, I thought I was healthy enough to keep up for the entire 9 months, but on my 33rd to 36th weeks, my doctor advised me to be on bed rest due to premature contractions.
The fatigue in pregnancy is often described as “like climbing a mountain while carrying a backpack that weighs a little more everyday”. This time though, it’s even more difficult… it’s like swallowing that backpack!
Sabi nga ng friends ko, naging “front-pack” na, para hindi madukutan sa MRT!
In conclusion (naging thesis?), 9 months of pregnancy is above all enjoyable because of your support group’s newest member. Someone you’ve never met, but loved since day 1.
“Some people are (indeed) worth melting (pushing or going under the knife) for.”
Introducing our ZARA (hindi “Zharah”, Dyologs lang ako, hindi Jejemon)…
Is it obvious that I don’t know how to hold a newborn? I held her like a clutch bag.